All Aboard Guy Ritchie's Quick-Cut, Malevolent Joy Ride

Normally I write here about movies and TV shows I've seen. But two Netflix discs have been sitting unwatched on my coffee table for nearly three weeks. It's been my cuckoo writing schedule that prevents me from hunkering down and watching stuff I'd like to see.

The two on-deck films are both Guy Ritchie-directed movies, "Snatch," and "RocknRolla." Opinion is divided among those I've spoken with on which is the better of the two -- some might say neither.

"Snatch"looks at, among other aspects of society, Irish "Travellers," a gypsy-like culture that exists in the U.K. and elsewhere. "RocknRolla" focuses on the pursuit of a cache of mob money that's up for grabs. That's about all I know about them.

I have my misgivings about Ritchie -- apart from that erstwhile marriage to a certain American celebrity whose name will not be mentioned here. Ritchie's trademark camera moves -- he makes the camera dodge around frozen images of a given scene at unexpected times -- usually bring the action to a halt. Computer-generated video effects have their place, but the stuff I've seen so far from this dirctor all seems filled with the requisite sound and fury, while signifying nothing.

His dialog is usually fast and funny, and he cuts his scenes with the attention-deficit-disorder crowd in mind. I can't quite decide whether I like him or find him annoying. I just may get around to watching these two flicks tonight, and maybe I'll decide then.

Forget About Plausibility, Just Entertain

As I've maintained, I am a dedicated Hitchcock fan, despite what any of his detractors might say. The dude gave us decades of spine-tingling delights, not the least of which is "Shadow of a Doubt," reviewed here by Roger Ebert.

Pound for pound, dollar for dollar, you just can't beat Hitch's crowd-pleasing melodramas that almost without exception -- "Torn Curtain" being one of his rare turkeys -- tells a riveting, if implausible story, that you can't stop watching.

It doesn't matter if bad guys are chasing Cary Grant and Eva Marie Saint up George Washington's stoney nasal cavities on Mount Rushmore in "North By Northwest." Or that Jimmy Stewart is paying ridiculously close attention to neighbor Raymond Burr's comings and goings in "Rear Window." Once the projector starts rolling, we're hooked.

Hitchcock is to mysteries what Clint Eastwood has been to westerns and modern crime dramas -- a long-running act that knows how to entertain and doesn't worry too much about artistic pretensions. Both give people what they want without insulting their intelligence. What more could you ask for?

Garner Shoots From Hip -- Collateral Damage Results

James Garner, AKA Jim Rockford, the trailer park dwelling TV detective from "The Rockford Files," has published a biography. Instead of the usual Hollywood glad-handing, he talks about suing the studios, and he dishes dirt about co-stars, including Tony Franciosa, whom Garner clocked when Franciosa wouldn't stop punching stunt men instead of pulling his punches. He's also got some unflattering words for king of cool Steve McQueen. Much like his Rockford Files persona, Garner shoots from the hip -- what else would you expect from him?

Rockford was quite likeable, even as gruff as he sometimes could be. He was the antithesis of the cool, urban detective who drove sports cars and lived in penthouses. Rockford was no James Bond. He was too honest to make the real money that shadier characters in his profession could pocket on the sly. His trailer home by the sea -- you can still visit the trailer park where the show was filmed in Malibu -- was testament to his lack of interest in making the "big score." He was too much of a working class hero to go for the easy bucks. And let's face it, too much of a curmudgeon to fit in with the monied swells. He was an original.

"The Rockford Files" episodes are available on disc, of course, and are streamable on Netflix -- if anybody out there is still subscribing to Netflix.

Kael's Writing Came Off Without A Hitch

With the press reviews of the new Pauline Kael bio, "A Life in the Dark," I was surprised to read that the doyenne of film critics had no affection for the films of Alfred Hitchcock. Maybe I'd heard something to that effect and forgot about it. It was easy to forgive the mecurial Kael her missteps occasionally. After all, who else could make us anticipate those semi-weekly reviews as we did with her writing in the New Yorker? Hitchcock's crime thrillers, such as "Dial M For Murder" (pictured above) practically redefined the detective movie genre. And what about "Strangers on a Train"? It's hard to dismiss Hitchcock when he turned out stunning films like that. All I can say is, no matter how brilliant your favorite writer may be, read carefully and remain skeptical. It's your best line of defense.

The Bad, The Horrible And The Unbalanced

They say good villains make good drama. Here are my Top 5 favorite crime film villains. These five are particularly memorable as some of the screen's finest psychopaths. They look and sound normal at first. But if you cross them, things quickly become unpleasant.


1.) Max Cady (Robert Mitchum) "Cape Fear"

Max turns the crazy up loud, and mild mannered attorney Sam Bowden (Gregory Peck) and family get a sharp blast of it. If Max ever knocks on your door, turn off the lights and duck.







2.) Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) "Reservoir Dogs"

All I can say about Mr. Blonde is that he's the stealth psycho. His winning personality takes a turn for the worse when the old Steeler's Wheel classic, "Stuck in the Middle With You," begins to play.






3.) Noah Cross (John Huston) "Chinatown"

The "grand old man" of Los Angeles turns out to be a ruthless murderer. As Cross observes near the end of the film, "Most people never have to face the fact that at the right time and the right place, they're capable of ANYTHING."

That, he is.




4.) Whit Sterling (Kirk Douglas) "Out of the Past"

Jeff Bailey (Robert Mitchum) tries to break with the past and get away from crime boss Whit Sterling. But his past comes back to haunt him. Sterling is one frightening customer to have on your tail. "My feelings? About ten years ago, I hid them somewhere and haven't been able to find them."



5.) Bruno Antony (Robert Walker) "Strangers on a Train"

Leaving the best for last, Bruno is one of director Alfred Hitchcock's all-time great antagonists. Tennis star Guy Haines (Farley Granger) meets Bruno by chance on a rail car, and the unsuspecting Haines's life rapidly slides into chaos at the hands of Mr. Antony.



Who are your favorites?

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Maybe Bond Will Be Worth The Ticket Price - For A Change

So Javier Bardem will be the next Bond Villain. Well played. For some time now, Bond films have been nothing to get excited about. Bardem may change that in the next, as yet unnamed, spy thriller.

Ex- Undercover Officer Picks Top Gang Movies

OK, we've heard from director Martin Scorsese as well as the American Film Institute on which gangster films each source liked best.

Now, here's a list from a former undercover officer who infiltrated the mob.

If you live down the street from Louis Diaz in Costa Mesa, Calif., you probably have no idea that you are neighbors with one of the most successful undercover agents in law enforcement history. Diaz was an agent with the Drug Enforcement Administration in the 1970s when he infiltrated a notorious New York City organization headed by heroin dealer Leroy "Nicky" Barnes.

Louis Diaz' 10 favorite gangster movies

1. "On the Waterfront" (1954) - Marlon Brando coulda been a contender, except for his rotten brother.

2. "The Godfather, Part 2" (1974) - Diaz concurs with director Francis Ford Coppola that this sequel is superior to the original.

3. "The Godfather" (1972) - In my humble opinion, the best movie of all time ... period.

4. "Goodfellas" (1990) - Whatever you do, don't make Joe Pesci angry.

5. "Once Upon a Time in America" (1984) - Sergio Leone's epic (as in very long) about Jewish gangsters.

6. "The Untouchables" (1987) - De Niro swings for the fences.

7. "Raging Bull" (1980) - De Niro swings for a boxing title.

8. "A Bronx Tale" (1993) - De Niro directs a terrific film in which he plays the good guy, not the gangster.

9. "Scarface" (1983) - Say hello to Al Pacino's little friend.

10. "Angels with Dirty Faces" (1938) - The classic about two childhood friends who take different paths James Cagney as the gangster and Pat O'Brien as the priest.

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